you will find information about our on-line community of step-parents: past,
present and future -
The Stepping Stones
Club at Yahoo!
was created for all people involved with someone who has kids
through another relationship. Share your trials and your triumphs,
get or give advice, or just vent. Get support from others in
positions like yours.
to check out the Club. If you'd like to join, click on the "Join
This Club" link at the top right of the screen. Also, drop me an e-mail giving some basic background to your situation that we can post as an introduction. This is required for membership. Everyone
is welcome to join, as long as you're going to play by the rules.
If you need support, we might be able to help.
NOT a private club. Your posts may be viewed by members and
non-members alike. Please remember that before posting something
extremely personal. You may feel more comfortable using initials
instead of names to keep it more anonymous.
We do not
tolerate any "hate" messages. All people are welcome,
regardless of age, race, religion, sexual orientation, which
hand they write with, etc., etc., etc. Any message deemed as
being offensive to a group of people will be deleted and the
member will be deleted from the club as well.
If a club
founder announces that a topic is closed, do not comment on
it in the forum. Feel free to take up a debate via e-mail
if the other participant(s) are willing to do so. If you continue
to post on the closed topic, your posts will be deleted. Founders
will give one warning and if there continue to be posts on
the subject, members will be deleted from the club.
As in any
club, advice may be given that you disagree with. Feel free
to disagree, but keep it to one post. Belittling a member
for giving advice contrary to your beliefs is not acceptable.
If something bothers you, comment once, then move on.
The members of this group occasionally use strong language.
We ask that you denote this in the title of your post with
a *L* , and refrain from using the language until several
lines into your post. Remember that part of every post shows
on the home page and many people access this page from work
or at home around kids. This will allow people to choose whether
or not to read the post, instead of being surprised by the
language in it.
a moment to preview, proofread and edit your comments before
posting. Simple typing errors can make your posts nearly impossible
that the club has some very passionate people and certain
topics may bring about a debate. It is OK to be opinionated
and express your views. It is OK to disagree with each other.
Knowing when to end the debate and agreeing to disagree is
is meant to be a source of support, a coming together of different
people in different situations with one major thing in common:
step children. It is NOT a place to wage a personal war. It
is NOT a place to air dirty laundry about other members.
to post photos of your family and yourself. Please be aware
that ANYONE can join the club, and view pictures. There have
been reports of people targeting parenting clubs to view pictures
of children. Keep this in mind when deciding whether or not
As of March, 2002 we have relocated to a new group. The old one was giving us such trouble! We currently have about 45 members in our club. Most of these
members are not active posters, but we still consider them part
of our family. Below you will find the names of some of our
more active posters, a little bit about them, and maybe even
a photo or two. If you are a member of the club and would like
to be included, please be sure to e-mail
your information and a picture if you'd like one posted!
name is Allison and I'm a newlywed as of 4/21/01. My SD
is 8 yrs. old and lives with us 50%. She is with her BM
Mondays and Tuesdays, with us Wednesdays and Thursdays,
and alternates weekends (Fri-Sun) between the 2 houses.
We have had this arrangement for about 1 year now and
it's great for everyone. Much easier to plan regular activities
for SD plus less confusion for teachers, daycare providers,
etc. We had to have a full blown custody trial to get
where we are now. It lasted 2 years, since SD was just
5. At the time of the divorce BM insisted on having the
title of sole custody put on the papers, but there was
an attached parenting plan that gives my husband a say
in all major decisions that affect SD. BM thinks she has
sole custody but it's joint because we share physical
access and she cannot just do whatever she wants with
SD and get away with it. My husband has proven that by
taking her to court because she was not allowing him input
in important decisions regarding SD's upbringing. We now
have a family court advisor (FCA) that mediates disputes
between the parents and makes recommendations about what
course of action should be taken. It's much more efficient
than going all the way to court every time BM tries to
pull some stunt. She is forced to be much more reasonable
because we can have the FCA make a decision almost immediately,
instead of having it dragged out for 2 years like the
original custody battle was. Relations
with the BM have never been good and were especially soured
by the recent custody situation where all communication
was done via lawyers for fear of one person using something
against the other, plus anger and all that good stuff.
It was hurting SD because her parents were all stressed
out and blaming stuff on the other parent (though not
in front of her, it was underlying hostility that she
could sense). Now they are on speaking terms but not really
friendly ones. She has been involved with quite a few
partners since the divorce (finalized 8/96, before I met
my husband), some women and some men. She currently owns
a house with one guy, but broke up with him right after
the custody trial because she was sleeping with her neighbor.
She is now pregnant with the neighbor's baby. BM is currently
gloating about the pregnancy which is making me crazy,
but it's not the right time right now for us to have a
baby. We want to enjoy being married first. :) I am a
black belt in taekwondo and plan to test for my 4th degree
in June 2002. After the physical demands of that test
are over, we plan on trying to have a child of our own.
I am 32 years old and have a 3 year old son from my previous marriage. I have joint physical custody which means that my son alternates weeks with me and his BF.
I am currently in a relationship with my high school sweetheart which is getting pretty serious. We are just now starting to build the relationship between him and my son by having him come over 2x per week during Justin's week with me. We're taking things slowly which is why I'm here. I want to learn as much as I can about becoming a step-family and learn how I can make this transition as easy as possible on all of us.
I am married with one daughter and two step daughters
who live with their BM most of the time and are with
us every other weekend and one night during the week.
I would like to say that I get along with the girls'
BM, but since I am constantly reminded by her of what
I am in their life - it's tough to say that. That's
my biggest issue really. I feel bad for the girls who
receive such mixed messages about what I am to them.
I am foremost their friend but on frequent occasions,
I mother them and discipline them somewhat.
So, I struggle most days to figure out my place with
them. Other days, I give it up and just enjoy life.
let's see. First off, I'm 30-years-old and the founder
of the Stepping Stones Club. I have been in my step-son's
life since February, 1998 when he was only 3 years old.
I married my husband August 18, 2000, so have only had
the official title of "Stepmom" since then,
but took on the role right after I moved in. My stepson
and I get along very well. We laugh together, we play
together. He actually listens when I give him a task.
I am able to use time outs with him, though it doesn't
always curb the naughty behavior. I'm not comfortable
doing much other discipline than either a time out or
sending him to his room until Dad is home. I'm not a yeller,
and I think yelling at him would ruin our relationship.
My husband is a wonderful father and does all he can.
I have some basic issues with biomom, but its nothing
I can't get past. We're civil and occasionally friendly
to each other when we need to be and I prefer it that
way. It's just the whole "what is that child support
being spent on" issue that so many of us have. I'm
baffled by it, though I choose not to make it a huge issue
right now. At least not until I have a child of my own
some day, as a lot of things will have to change if we're
going to be able to give both children an equally fulfilling
issues I struggle with are mostly feelings that I have
about my situation, along with typical problems of any
parent. I'm often left out of discussions and problem-solving
sessions because I am "just the step-mom" and
I have a hard time with that. I've said it many times
and if you get to know me, you'll probably get sick of
hearing it, BUT: I see my role as being defined by others
(except for my stepson and I) as a glorified nanny. I
can do a couple of things a nanny can't, but if it's any
kind of major issue, I'm supposed to keep out of it. THAT
is my toughest challenge...breaking through to the adults
in this situation that treating me like an outsider will
eventually wear away the relationship with my stepson
I have worked so hard to build. I will become nothing
more than a weekend babysitter and I never want that to
happen. But it will if I don't get to participate more
actively. I don't want to make major decisions, but I'd
like to be able to go to a teacher conference if I think
I might be of some help. Enough about me. You'll find
I spend a lot of time offering advice, not asking for
it much. That's just the way I am. I tend to worry about
others first, myself later. Don't get me wrong...when
I'm angry, everyone will know it. It's those times when
I need the support the most! So, hop on over to our club
and join the extended family we've created. We'd love
to have you! :)